Smut University—User Requested by @emergencybeta

User Requested by Emergency Beta Services

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Homework

EBS suggests two writing exercises based on the above. Choose just one to do and submit.

1. Think of a sex word that squicks you, and a write an erotic drabble using it in a way that works.

2. Think of something you’ve never experienced. Research it, then write a drabble.

Read the Homework Submissions


Ask a dozen women how an orgasm feels, you’re likely to get a dozen different answers. The same can be said of just about anything involving sex. We may have the same parts, but we’re all wired differently. To illustrate this, we at Emergency Beta Service asked our Twitter followers to talk to us about sex, welcoming them to submit any questions they’d like to us to address. Over the course of the month, we received the following questions which we presented to our betas to answer.

“How on earth do you describe female..uh..parts without being disgusting? Cock and dick are perfectly acceptable words, but the female equivalents are just vile. Pussy? Cunt? Fanny? Folds? Mound? Her sex? ugh *shudders* they are all just horrid. If I read one more fic that refers to ‘her dripping folds’ I will SCREAM! Oh, yeah…and I am fed up of fic that describe sperm as tasting like honey! Who have these authors been blowing, Winnie the Pooh? Ooops, more of a rant than a question, but you get my point. Let’s get some class in our smut!”

Another writer had a similar question:

Is there a reason some people use “cock” and “pussy” and some people write euphemisms like “hardness” and “moist folds”? Using the C & P words seems easier, but feels cheaper, too. What do you guys think? What would you prefer to read?

Posted ImageRags: I love this question! I have found that describing both male and female parts becomes tedious because no matter which word you choose, you’re using something with a certain connotation to it. “Cock” and “dick” both have this confident air about them (because men who are cocky or dicks tend to be confident and full of themselves). “Penis” sounds so formal and doctoral and will instantly detach your readers from the steamy romp scene you’re trying to write.

Posted ImageLJ Summers: This is tricky, and the best advice I can give is to use a word that reflects your character. So, if your character is confident and maybe a little crude they might use the word ‘pussy’ or ‘cunt’, or if they are shy they might prefer the word ‘entrance’. It’s sometimes hard to step away from clichés without making it funny, and I think it’s really up to your word preference. I’m not a fan of reading euphemisms, too! I find it can break the mood, and I also wonder who thinks like that during sex?

Posted ImageMarly: ‘Slick folds’, ‘his/her sex’, ‘pussy’, ‘cock’…. they all give me the icks. ‘Dick’ isn’t so bad, but I think ‘his hardness’ or ‘length’ covers men sufficiently. For a woman, I think ‘center’ or ‘entrance’ works okay.

Posted ImageRags: I think it is all because of personal preferences. Some people don’t like to write using explicit language like “fuck,” “dick” and “pussy.” Hell, I had a pretty hard time posting my first lemon, and if I remember correctly, I talked about his penis, cock, dick, and what have you, but I tried to shy away from naming her parts. Another reason might be because certain words fit the occasion better. If it’s a scene where a couple is making love on the rug in front of the fireplace, the author might choose to be more gentle in his/her words (and therefore use “hardness” and “moist folds”), but if s/he is writing a steamy sex scene where lust is the dominant emotion, s/he might choose to use more crude words. After all, words are just another tool we use to create the scene, and sometimes it matters if we use the word “boy,” “guy,” “dude,” or “man.” The same goes for the words for the genitals.

Posted ImageSleepyvalentina: The word genitals makes me giggle almost universally.

Posted ImageLJ Summers: I personally prefer “cock” to “dick.” The latter just…sounds like a mean name? A man once told me that “pussy” was his preference because it sounded “cuddly.” Yeah. I prefer almost anything except “moist folds.” Sounds like towelettes. This is tricky, and the best advice I can give is to use a word that reflects your character. So, if your character is confident and maybe a little crude they might use the word ‘pussy’ or ‘cunt’, or if they are shy they might prefer the word ‘entrance’. It’s sometimes hard to step away from clichés without making it funny, and I think it’s really up to your word preference. I’m not a fan of reading euphemisms, too! I find it can break the mood, and I also wonder who thinks like that during sex?

Posted ImageSleepyvalentina: I think any word can work if it’s believable that the character in question would use it. Foldscorecenter—these are all over Victorian erotica, and in that kind of setting, they work. I’d argue they’d also work if the character speaking had a pre-established love for Victorian literature, provided it’s a female. Men don’t use words like that—pretty much ever. This isn’t to say all men are of the cockpussycunt variety. Even Henry Miller has written sex scenes in which there’s no mention of genitalia. The one exception is buttocks. I challenge anyone who has seen Forest Gump to be able to read the word buttocks and not hear Tom Hanks in her head, “I was shot in the buttocks.”

Posted ImageMs. Kitty: Personally, I try and only use these words when absolutely necessary, and resort to simply writing the pronouns like ‘me’ or ‘her’. For example, ‘pushed into me.’ Hey, it’s not highly creative, but it takes the stress away from thinking of suitable words, and I like to think it does the trick! Now everything I say sounds like a euphemism.


Well, I’m writing–or attempting to write–an M/M/M threesome, and I’m just at a crossroads at the moment regarding, er, sexual positions to put it bluntly. First off, I’m a woman. Second off, I’ve never been in a threesome, all-male or otherwise. So I’m definitely lacking in hands-on experience. That, and, because I’m spectacularly bizarre like this, not only is this my first time writing a threesome, it’s also the first time writing a lemon, period. When it’s just two people, even two guys, it’s pretty simple anatomy. One’s caboose goes in the other’s love tunnel, and that’s that. But I don’t really know all the possible sex positions three men could be in together, so I’d really appreciate some pointers.

Posted ImageRags: I think now is the time to turn to the porn sites ;) I would imagine that three guys could lie in a triangle, all sucking each other off. Another way could be one’s “caboose” into the second one’s mouth and the third’s “caboose” (love that word) into the second one’s “love tunnel.” Really, the best advice I can give you is do research. Check on pornotube.com or similar places and look for gay videos.

Posted ImageLJ Summers: Heh. She said “pointers.” They do kinda “point,” don’t they? Consider orifices with a threesome. One man has two orifices for pleasure (give and take) of this nature. So positions for simultaneous stimulation would involve oral for one. I am not sure how to arrange a triad so that all three “get blown” at the same time, but for two, simultaneous orgasm would be possible.

Posted ImageMarly: I have no idea if the mechanics would work in practice, but I guess in theory, they could form a chain of sorts? Guy 1 penetrates guy 2 anally, while guy 2 penetrates guy 3 anally, for simultaneous stimulation/orgasm.

Posted ImageSleepyvalentina: Yeah. See, this isn’t kind of conjunction we’re used to helping with here at Emergency Beta Service, but that’s okay. We’ve all written things we haven’t experienced in real life; an all-male threesome is no different—you can pull it off with research. Now you have a reason to go watch gay porn—that’s kind of win.

Feeling as if it’s all too contradictory? Don’t vaginally secrete sweat it. What one reader considers a mood-killer will make other readers happy in their panties, so write what you like. As long as you stay true to your vision, your most important reader will be feel fulfilled. After all, how many times do we hear we should write for ourselves? 

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