5 Cliches You’d Be Happy Never to Read Again


1. All the angst and conflict in the story being caused by miscommunication. It’s been done many times and it’s done well. It will continue to be done well, but it’d be nice to mix it up. This is especially true if you’ve already had one conflict due to miscommunication. It stops being interesting and starts being borderline comical if it happens multiple times in one fic.

2. Monster-cock, Sexward. I know a lot of ladies love it, but what’s wrong with regular penis sized Edward who maybe doesn’t know every page of the kama sutra by heart?

3. Doucheward and Doormat Bella.

4. Adonis. Emerald Orbs. Chagrin. Bronze. I know these are canon descriptions, but let’s reinvent our own descriptions and find new ways to describe canon.

5. Wide Awake 2.0. Angstgoddess003 wrote an iconic story in our fandom, one that almost everyone has heard of and most likely has read. For a lot of people, WA popped their fic cherry. If her fic has inspired you to write, that’s absolutely fantastic! Write away! However, there is already one Wide Awake. Carve out your own little niche in the fanfic world and find a new way to incorporate the general themes or aspects of the story that drew you to it in the first place instead of creating a duplicate story.


I don’t really have an answer for this because I think that the cliches can be used quite brilliantly sometimes. I don’t mind them, when they’re used as a theme or symbol. Although, some of the cliche words used can be irritating. I like stories that explore the cliche themes, but lose the terminology.


I joke that my next fic will be about a tattooed Dom who’s a single dad and surgeon. The thing with clichés is that if you have a compelling story, your tattooed Dom single dad is worth reading. I don’t mind clichés. Just have a story to tell that isn’t cliché or manufactured.


Character Cliches-physical characteristics, like Edwards’ emerald eyes and bronze hair, Bella’s chocolate ones, Bella’s tiny hands. A good writer finds their own descriptions. One author called Edward’s hair “whiskey-colored”. I loved that so much, so unusual and yet right on.

Personality characteristics-Edward the manwhore, Alice, the sprightly dancing pixie and shopaholic, Tanya the home-wrecking slut, Emmett the dumb jock. I find these kind of character clichés are used when an author is creating cardboard characters instead of well-rounded ones.

Plot clichés- Bella or Edward has a tragic past usually involving abuse that they are keeping a secret. They finally tell the other and Voila! They are healed-it’s the magical vah-jay-jay or peen. Stories based on miscommunication. Bella sees Edward kissing a girl, runs away from him for weeks, but it turns out it was his sister. If the characters had just talked about it, the situation wouldn’t have gone nuclear. This kind of contrived miscommunication is unrealistic and immature.


• “Let out a breath she/he didn’t know she/he was holding…”
• Hands touching and leading to a “spark”
• Edwards who are obviously Robs, with the hands through the hair, the fidgeting, the “jaw porn”, etc.
• Bella’s klutziness
• “Pixie”, shopaholic Alice

And yes, I am fully aware that I have used at least two of these things in my own Twific.


Bella sleeping with Jacob to get back at Edward. Alice who has to dress and shop for everyone. A Rosalie who slaps her husband upside the head repeatedly. “Spritely” Alice. Jasper forcing his analysis on people.


-Alice. She is my favorite secondary character in the books but so many stories have distorted her into an annoying, cockblocking pixie that I can’t stand reading her in fanfic anymore. I can’t even enjoy a well-written Alice anymore, the moment I see her name I’m annoyed.

-3 girl roommates (Rosalie, Alice, Bella) meet 3 guy roommates (Emmett, Jasper, Edward) and oh so magically they couple off and fall in love.

-Repeating the exact same chapter in 2 different POVs (I’ve actually read the same evening from 6 different POVs once before – flounce).

-Bella sees Edward with another girl and automatically assumes he’s cheating on her. She gets over-dramatic, breaks up with him and runs away before giving him a chance to explain.

-Though I wouldn’t call it a cliché, I don’t generally read stories where Edward or Bella have children. It’s just not my cup of tea.


Only five? I never, never, never want to read about dripping cores/vaginas/entrances/pussies. No. Thumbs rubbing soothing circles, popping the p, anyone asking “Do you see something you like?”, and virgins having sex like porn stars the first time.

Obsessing Over Edward

Here’s the deal. We’ve all written cliché’s. I hate to list them because I don’t want to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t write (who am I, but someone with an opinion?). Just because I don’t like a particular phrase or word doesn’t mean that it’s not perfectly acceptable in published works. I will say that Cliché’s are BAD in publishing and fanfic. If you’ve heard the phrase more than three times then you should probably consider rewording it.


Only five? okay, I’ll be leaving something out but here goes:

1) Alice screeching for no reason.

2) the phrase “”finding purchase””.

3) “”See something you like?”” Isn’t bad on its own but is way overused.

4) Popping the P (most people have stopped doing this but I swear at one point it was in every fic I read and my head just about exploded)

5) referring to eyes as orbs constantly.

#s 2 and 5 are annoying mostly because a) they are fic cliches now, and b) the words usually don’t match the tone of the rest of the story. If someone’s vocabulary is mostly modern and young and all of the sudden they’re “”finding purchase”” when they’d usually just be touching someone then it’s a little jarring to read.


1. Edward and Bella meet in a bar.
2. Edward runs his hands through his sex hair.
3. Bella’s hands are small.
4. Edward’s emerald / jade eyes.
5. Bella giggles.

rochelle allison

– the phase “”made quick work of””. i realize this is actually canon but i see it way too much.
– tongues battling for dominance. please, just… no.
– edward saying “”mine””
– edward pinching the bridge of his nose. i know he does this, but i don’t need to be constantly reminded.
-the whole dressed up at halloween/halloween party scenario. i have read a thousand incarnations of this, and some have been truly wonderful. but it’s still overdone.

scarlett letters

1. Edward, the uber-jerk is turned into a lovable wimp by good-girl Bella

2. Alice, the flighty fairy

3. “Bella Barbie”

4. Edward has a massive penis

5. . Bella is “perma-tight”

6. . each orgasm is the BEST THEY’VE EVER HAD!


I think even cliches can work if written well. In a way, the entire world of Twilight is a bit cliche, and so I think this fandom more than any has to really work to avoid rewriting the same tired old emotions/story lines. So I guess my answer is sort of that it’s almost all cliche, and I need to see a new angle or spin on it to bother reading.


1. I never want Edward to ever carry Bella “”bridal-style”” again. There’s got to be a better way to describe that.

2. I’m tired of seeing Edward leave Bella for her own good. I know it’s canon (and let’s overlook the fact that I did that myself in my first fic!), I think at this point, that story has been told…and told, and told.

3. Bella being clumsy to a pathological degree.

4. The words “”orbs””, “”locks”” and “”core””.

5. Alice as a frantic, shopping-obsessed “”pixie””. I swear, I want to flounce when I see that word.


I am a firm believer that cliche’s are legitimate. It’s all down to how it’s executed.

But there are a few things that are a nuisance.

Whilst a romantic Edward is fine; an Edward that sounds like a woman is not. I think this gets misconstrued in fan fic.

I also think the cougar thing is cheap. If I’m reading a story that deals with age difference it’s never a good thing when Bella is desperate or haughty. There are exceptions, if there is a comedic value–but if she is constantly a piece of work the main character becomes a bit of a cartoon for me. I don’t want to be intimidated by age. I do however want to cheer characters on.

When bitchiness or self righteous b.s. gets mistaken for strength. Women don’t have to be that way in order to be powerful.

When anyone needs saving. Its best to have them save themselves… needing another person to do it has kinda been overdone.

Stereotypes on a whole, (canon stereotypes too), and when they aren’t fashioned mysteriously. There’s no character development, it’s shoved into my face and the people I’m reading about become hollow. A good mystery is nice, even if it’s a little one.

Tallulah Belle

I try to stay open-minded when I see “”cliches”” pop up in a story as it might be there for a reason. Sometimes that reason doesn’t come along until a few chapters later.

Just don’t put something there just to put it there to incorporate the “”Twilight”” flavor.


(I am guilty of some of these, but I am learning from my mistakes)

– Alice being described as a pixie.

– “Nope,” she popped the ‘p’.

– Bella smelling like strawberries all the damn time.


4 comments on “5 Cliches You’d Be Happy Never to Read Again

  1. 1 tiny hot hands

    2 much olderward / jailbait (especially with added bdsm)

    3 Jake being as camp as Christmas

    4 sporty emmett being dumb as rocks

    5 esme just sitting about doing nothing

  2. 1. WTF is a “heated core”?
    2. Do dicks really twitch? Is it like when I’m stressed out and my eyelid twitches?
    3. Sensitive nubs and buds
    4. Ignoring the fact that Edward and Jake had made up by the end of BD and making them hate each other in “canon” post-BD fics.
    5. When Edward is a crap father in “canon” fics.

  3. I’m so damn sick of strawberries!

    Authors should make Alice and Emmett real, non-wired, cognitive human beings.

    Why does Bella has to be either a prude or horny slut (for lack of better description)

    if their cum takes so sweet and smells so good, they should bottle it and sell!

    Least of all, most stories need a conflict. Not all of them, but a climax is excential in many of them. For that reason, the climax should be something interesting and well thought of, not an idea used many times before nor something that should be looked at as something-that-needs-to-happen-so-everyone-can-go-back-to-their-typical-lives.

    Just think about it.

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