Smut University – The Three ‘R’s of Sex: Is it Realistic? Is it Rational? Is it Right? Real Sex in a Fanfic World

Written by Vasweetpea

Writing Exercise

When we started SU our very first class was about the basics of smut writing. In that class we talked about things like staying in character and word usage. This lesson is an extension of that class.

Is it Realistic?

So far in SU we have had 11 guest authors and all of them have said one of their biggest smut peeves has been unrealistic scenes.

What exactly is an unrealistic scene? (AU)

We’re in a fandom where our main character is a vampire having sex with a human girl and, in most cases, not killing her. Some would say that is pretty unrealistic. Lucky for us SM created this great world for us to play around in Smile So when we say keep it realistic we mean remember that Eddie boy is a VAMPIRE and him drilling into Bella from the back is kind of unrealistic. He would break her. So when writing remember the rules of vampire world you are choosing to write in.

What exactly is an unrealistic scene?(AH)

Bella the virgin whore. Bella the shy girl with dominatrix superpowers. Both of these are HUGE examples of an unrealistic smut scene. As hot as a scene like that can be the likelihood of it really happening is very slim. Keep this in mind as you write. I’m not saying a nun Bella going down to the local bike bar for an orgy could never happen (geez how many Hail Mary’s do I need to do for even thinking that) but if your going to write it make it real. Make Bella a real person with a real past and real emotions. Show her guilt. Show us the rush she gets from being naughty. Keep it real folks.

According to our guest author:

Realistic smut is: The first and most important consideration is if it’s physically possible. This sounds funny, I know, but I can’t count the fics I’ve read where 6’2” Edward is having standing sex with 5’4” Bella that would require him to be in a ridiculously crouched position or her to be floating on air. As Mel put it: But when I read your story, if you write it well, then I should have a little movie going on in my head acting out the scene you’re telling me. If I keep having to shrink people or make them hover in mid air or sprout extra appendages to hold themselves up, it ruins it for me.

A current rage in fanfic is the man who comes, yet never gets soft-just goes at it again right away. Right. A young man might have a quick recovery time, but unless you mention Viagra in there, this isn’t likely at all.

And my all time favorite: virgin sex that goes on forever, with multiple orgasms. In real life, virgin sex is not always painful, but it rarely garners the Big ‘O’ for the woman. And for a guy… more than a couple of minutes is damned unrealistic. Good sex takes time and experience.

Rational smut is: Rational sex is sex that makes sense for THOSE characters at THAT time. As Sandy puts it: A sex scene that’s actually integral to the moment or storyline, and NOT just because the author is catering to horndog readers. Very few things can ruin a story for me as quickly as a sex scene that just doesn’t make sense, e.g. Virgin Bella becoming a smutty mouthed porn star her first time out of the gate, or an Edward who sports a permaboner whenever he sees/hears/SMELLS (WTF?) Bella. Please. That insults the intelligence of all involved. Sex that seems tossed in ‘just because’ is just as bad.

Real smut is: Look. We all know that a big reason we read this stuff is the fantasy element. I get that. What I don’t get is the insistence on the clichés: the Monsterpeen (and I assume a corresponding Cave Vag?). Permaboners. Instant multiple ‘O’s, every time. Come on. Real sex is better than that. One of my favorite quotes goes something like this. “Anyone can have sex, but it takes real lovers to laugh.” So let Bella and Edward laugh! Real sex is funny sometimes (a lot of the time). Sandy: (real sex is) ADULT behaviour that doesn’t sound like a bloody bodice ripper or soap opera. You know, real bits like awkwardness, laughter, fumbling and not hitting the jackpot every time.

And that brings up a very good point: The big ‘O’ doesn’t happen every time. And that’s okay. Real sex is great when everything clicks just right and you get fireworks several times, but sometimes it’s more about being close and loving, and that’s great, too. We miss that a lot in fanfic, but those are the ones I find myself thinking about later.

Sue: Real sex to me is something that can be achieved in real life with the proper number of arms and legs and fingers where the position is possible without the partners being double jointed or yoga masters. Real sex can be romantic; it does not have to be flips and flops and slams and bangs to be something meaningful to the couple. Since most fic is written for women, the sex does not have to be graphic to be hot — some of the hottest sex I have ever read did not mention anything about body parts.

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One comment on “Smut University – The Three ‘R’s of Sex: Is it Realistic? Is it Rational? Is it Right? Real Sex in a Fanfic World

  1. I’ve been really enjoying reading the different articles, but this line just made me want to scream: “Has hot has a scene like that can be the likelihood of it really happening are very slim. Keep this in mind has you right.”
    Shouldn’t it be: “*As* hot *as* a scene like that can be, the likelihood of it really happening *is* very slim. Keep this in mind *as* you *write*”?
    I know we all make mistakes, but I thought someone read the articles before they get published.
    I agree with the advices given in this article, however, when I see sentences like that one, I just lose some of the respect I gained for this site.

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